Solitude, Solitare

I've been reflecting on the solitary nature of teaching. For most of the day, teachers exist in a vacuum void of social interaction. Sure, there are the live bodies of the students, but it's very different than working right next to another person in an office environment. Life in a cubicle farm involves hearing people on the phone, chatting with them while they walk by and crossing paths in the breakroom, and perhaps even tossing nerf balls over cube dividers in moments of stress-relief. In the old days, I'd often get so sick of co-workers and their constant presence that I'd sit in my car in the parking lot at lunchtime with a book, just so that I didn't have to interact with people for one hour out of the day.

Life as a teacher involves a morning greeting in the lounge, and if you don't have recess duty, perhaps sitting down with a co-worker for ten minutes, often while waiting for the one "adult" bathroom on campus to be free. Then there is lunchtime. I've heard stories of principals who require the staff to eat together in the lounge. I've also been in some schools where the teachers tend to chat over lunch. By and large, though, there is so much to do that most of the staff spends their 40 or 45 minute lunch in their own classroom, prepping or grading work.

The solitude is enhanced as a substitute teacher. I don't know the staff, and I'm horrible at starting conversations with strangers. If someone engages me in conversation, I'm happy to answer questions and make my own polite inquiries. I'm not completely inept in social situations, but I'm definitely not a gifted conversationalist and probably more on the "introverted" end of the spectrum than the "extroverted" side. This is something that I've always felt guilty about. I would love to be more outgoing. I'd love to be the person in the group that everyone is drawn to, but I'm just not that person. As much as I value being with my friends and attending parties and going out in the world, I also need my time alone to decompress.

So, I'm torn about this aspect of the World of the Teacher. Social interaction with children alone leaves a lot to be desired, and I miss having coworkers and friends at work. At the same time, I appreciate not being involved in the politics and drama of the workplace. Once I have a regular position, I'm sure I'll be as drawn in as anyone else in the event planning and gossip sessions that seem to be present where any group of people get together. I'll be glad to have a sense of community again. And for better or worse, I'll be subject to both the help and the criticism of peers.

I'm both looking forward to that day and dreading the loss of my autonomy.

Doing Something With Nothing

Another really great first grade class today. This is amazing in part because I was subbing for a sub. The kids' regular teacher is on maternity leave and they've had a long term sub, so they've already gone through the turmoil of change this year. Only 17 of the 21 kids were there today, so that may have had something to do with the laid-back attitudes. A class of 17 kids is fantastic! Imagine the learning that could go on if every elementary school class was that small all year long!

Lately, though, I seem to be having challenges with lesson plans. Today, there was a 45-minute block set aside for centers. When I got to it, the kids told me they'd already gone through all the centers this week because they'd doubled yesterday's work. So, I had 45 minutes to fill. Normally, I'd give a writing assignment, but all of the paper was locked up and the kids didn't have access to any of their own. There also was a mix-up during math time where the lesson plan said that 5 of the kids went to another class for accelerated math. After I sent them, they all came back and I got a phone call saying that that class wasn't happening this week. Fortunately, there were enough copies of the math work for everyone.

Improvise....Adapt....Overcome. I may get that tattooed on my arm for future reference.

Somebody's Watching Me...

I'm not too crazy about having another adult in the room when I'm teaching. There's a certain amount of pressure there, whether it's a Special Ed aide, a parent volunteer or the classroom teacher. I always feel as if I'm either too lenient or too tough.

Today, it was the classroom teacher. He had a free day and thought he was going to be in a workshop, but it turned out, he just had a work day. And, he chose to spend it in the classroom.

On one hand, this is the same reason this teacher keeps calling me back. On the very first day I subbed for him, it was a similar situation and he liked how I handled his third graders, so he booked me for every absence he expected to have through the year. On the other hand, his class is difficult. I posted yesterday about a few of the problems, but he's got 32 kids and at least half of them are a challenge in terms of behavior. When you combine the individual personalities with the fact that the kids are basically "done" with the year in their own minds....well, let's just say if he wasn't yelling at them for disrespecting me, I was threatening them with loss of recess and PE time for their incessant chatter. It was a bad day for everyone, and did nothing for my self confidence.

There were two kids to the right of me who fought all day, but cooled it just before I shipped one off to another seat. There were two kids to the left of me who invented new and exciting ways to cause problems, even after I separated them. Then, last, but definitely not least, there was one boy who, as I said yesterday is diagnosed on the Autism spectrum. The kid is pure drama and probably shouldn't be in a regular ed class. I've been told they have constant meetings about what to do with him. He gets upset cries about everything under the sun. Then the kids make fun of him for crying, which makes him cry even more. Today, as they were coming in from recess, I watched him peel around a corner and collide with a bigger kid. The bigger kid saw him coming and ducked out of the way, but didn't get completely clear and they touched arm to arm. He started screaming. Both his aide and I saw the whole thing and she tried to calm him down, taking him for a walk. She told me later that she's basically had it for the year. That she works primarily with preschool special ed and that there they can usually see improvement, but that this particular boy seems to be sliding backwards. Honestly, I'm not sure what I'd do with this boy if I had him in a class day to day. He can do the work from an academic standpoint, but the rest of the world is just too much for him. I wonder what his future will hold.

I guess if it wasn't for classes like this one, you wouldn't know what the good ones were like. The saddest part is that with so many behavior problems, the kids who put their heads down and work are never recognized. I try to do it at least once a day when I'm in this room, and the teacher does have a reward system in place that I can utilize. I just worry about this group in the higher grade levels...watch out teachers!

How long until summer?

Well, I'm sitting at home yesterday and today. Yesterday I got in a five-mile run in the morning, so that's good. I'm going to have to look on the bright side of summer with no work. I can force myself to get two hours of workouts in each day. Or, at least more than an hour every other day like it's been lately.

Tomorrow I have a day in a class where I regularly sub, but the kids are rowdy on a good day. I'm grateful to the teacher for continuing to request me, but I definitely go home with a headache after this group. He's got one boy with Autism who really should have someone with him full time. He's got two girls who watch me to see when I look away and then start trouble with the kids next to them, and several of the students argue continually. And there is one who wants to be my best friend and comes up to put her arms around me while very sweetly asking to do things she knows are against the rules. It's definitely a cast of characters! Now that we're down to mere weeks, I'm sure they'll all be more of a challenge than ever before.

And I just picked up a 5th grade class for Friday. This is a class where I've worked once before. If I remember correctly, they were pretty good, but I really only had them for half a day and then the district science advisor prepped them for testing all afternoon.

Is it terrible to admit that I'm counting each day now in terms of dollars? I've learned so much this year, but I'm really on the edge of burn-out right now. I'm pretty certain summer vacation is for the teachers, not for the students.

LOST....

I had a half day of work set up for today, so I went to bed at 10:00 last night and taped the finale of LOST, thinking I'd only have a few hours of work and then be able to watch it in the afternoon.

NOT!

About an hour into the day, the office manager called and asked if I could stay all day because the teacher who I was subbing for had an issue that was going to keep her out longer than she expected. Naturally, I agreed. I couldn't really say "no." Well, I guess technically I could, but I want to look good for this district and with summer coming I need all the cash I can get, so LOST was going to have to wait a few more hours.

Does time ever go slower than when you are looking forward to something?

The class was incorrigible in their chattiness. Nothing quieted them down. Not rewards, not punishment, nothing. Added to the problem was that I didn't have a full lesson plan for the afternoon, only the instructions that the teacher gave the office manager over the phone. And when I tried to teach, most of it was stuff the kids had already done. Oy vey.

We got through it. I stopped and did two read-aloud breaks, reading two stories for each break, and assigned a writing project rather than giving the kids free time. If I'm learning anything from subbing, it's how to improvise.

And so, I finally got home to my LOST. Wow! Was it ever worth the wait!

Best. Class. Ever!

Wow! I had an amazing group of first graders today! They cooperated. They listened. They controlled their talking and worked quietly when it was time to do so. I didn't have to referee any fighting, and get this.....

NO TATTLING!

All day! Nobody tattled on anyone else. These kids just got along. I'm not really sure the day actually happened. I may have just dreamed it...

Never A Dull Moment

When four first grade girls get in trouble for knocking down a boy who is the size of two of them, you think you may have just seen it all.

This happened on the playground, and I wasn't on duty, but the kids were all in my class. I'd already ID'd the ringleader of this merry band of female mini-mercenaries when she very sweetly asked me if I would tell their teacher if they were bad. She spent most of the day whispering to the girl next to her and eyeballing me, so I had my eyeball on her.

Anyway, when I went out to pick up the kids, the duty teacher told me the four girls had knocked down this boy and started hitting and kicking him because he refused to chase them. In her words, it was "unprecedented" at the school and she was sending the matter directly to the principal. Fine with me.

The principal pulled them out of class, and told them to return to her office during afternoon recess to write apologies to the boy. The girls reminded me several times that they had this punishment to suffer. The interesting thing about first graders is that they recognize their duty to do the time for the crime. Not one of them played games with me about it or try to ditch it like older kids would.